Billie Eilish had tears in her eyes when she recently watched her own documentary again.
Eilish opened up about the personal moment in a virtual appearance on The Drew Barrymore Show, which was just uploaded to YouTube on Sept. 16.
“I’ve always been very, very strong-willed and honest, which I think is a blessing and a curse, but the funny thing is that the older I’ve gotten, the less confident I’ve gotten,” Eilish admitted in the interview with Barrymore, who was paying compliments to her work ethic and vision. “And it kind of made me, like … I rewatched the doc a few weeks ago. And it made me cry because I was thinking how free-spirited I was and how open-minded I was.”
“The media just like tears it away from you,” said Eilish. “It’s not fun right now.”
The conversation with Eilish, whose concert film Happier Than Ever: A Love Letter to Los Angeles premiered on Disney+ in early September and whose documentary Billie Eilish: The World’s a Little Blurry was released on Apple TV+ earlier this year, then shifted over to the artist’s relationship with fans.
“One moment I was a fan, and then suddenly I was looked at as this like, higher up,” she said. “Even when I was 14. And it was so weird because I was like, ‘I’m not even anyone. I just make music and these kids that I feel like I already know — suddenly like, ‘Oh they’re Billie’s fans, and then there’s Billie.’ So that’s why it was so weird to me.”
“I think of them as like literally my skin, like part of me and how I get through stuff,” Eilish, who in July released her sophomore album, Happier Than Ever, which debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200. “They always have my back. And they’re fans just as much as I’m a fan, but that doesn’t make them any less than me or anybody else, you know?”
Watch the full interview below.